I am Very Pro Hygiene, But Come On.

J Philip Faranda August 16, 2011

No shows do inspire a soaking of sortsNo shows are a part of the business. I often keep repeating the phrase “yes, I went to college” as I stand in the driveway of a home, staring at it, wondering if I can do some sort of Schopenhaur exercise to manifest a human being, preferably the owner, to answer the door or the phone. And the guy from this morning’s no show did indeed call me back,  a half hour after I drove away, to let me know he was in fact home, but didn’t hear the door, phone or whimpering broker in the yard because…

…wait for it…

He was in the shower. At 11am on Tuesday, August 16, 2011, the man was inspired to pursue his hygiene at the very moment we were supposed to talk about the possible sale of his home. This is not the first person I have inspired to get soaked at the time they were scheduled to meet with me. It is somewhat common. I don’t know why. I really don’t. I remember back in college I had a strange talent for inspiring co-eds to empty their bladder at social events. 

“Hi, I’m Phil”
“Hi Phil, dying to pee. I’ll be RIGHT BACK.”

Damn I was good.  I never figured out how to monetize the Gift. 

Is there something about me that makes people want to shower (my poor self esteem!)? Or, conversely, are people so honored to meet with me that they must anoint themselves with cleansers and bath oils in anticipation of our meeting, even to the exclusion of punctuality? And why is the likelihood of a no-show, shower-related or otherwise, so bloody proportional to the distance I travelled and the hoops I jumped through to fit them in my schedule to start with? 

I hate no shows. I would rather meet with a person overdue for their daily shower than not meet with them at all. Is it possible that they are fibbing to cover that they were asleep, otherwise occupied, or forgot? Is it me? 

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